Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
