He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
