I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
