She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
