So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
