We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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