everyone is single if you try hard enough
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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