her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
