So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
