apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
