i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
