I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize