Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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