my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
