Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How does one acquire holy water?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
