I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
