True but thats because hes a fetus.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
