u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
