I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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