I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
high people should be assigned attendants
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
