So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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