One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize