id be glad to
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
