apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
