I'm going to jail i love you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize