some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
