I want you more than these girls want KFC
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
