Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
