Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
