my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
