Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Pants 0. Shit 1.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
