Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
