Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
