My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
