U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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