direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
