you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
