Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
