I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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