Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
