Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize