Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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