Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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