Soap is not a condiment
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
