he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
