You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
