i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
