Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
