oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize