also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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