He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
