So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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