3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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