i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
