onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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