good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
