yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
