I'm lost and stupid without you.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
