I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
