Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
