i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
