Do you still have your period?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
