I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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