that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
